A Golden Compass Point "Punishing the other person is self-punishment. That is true in every circumstance.” Thich Nhat Hahn So says the current and ancient wisdom, which I will not dispute. I hear it often and interpret it as a call to empathy: understand the pain you will cause others by imagining that pain as your own. Hahn’s wisdom closely mirrors formulations of the golden rule from Hillel and from Islam. Confucius states it this way: “Do not do to others what you do not want done to you.” Jesus gives it a twist: “Do for others what you want them to do for you.” Commentors correctly note that the one formulation prefers a quietude, or passivity (in response to a presumed injury or a self-centered desire), while the other suggests a premeditated act of generosity (in response to an awareness of one’s own desire or need). Whether stated as a call to self-restraint or to self-initiative, the golden rule presupposes our fundamental connectedness; I and others share a common humanity, with common needs and desires. I cannot focus properly on myself without seeing the other within me; I cannot focus properly on others without seeing myself in them. A few years ago, a newly enrolled college student died from an overdose of opiods. Some said, “She killed herself.” Finding that phrasing inappropriatetly judgmental, others said, “She died of suicide.” The first implies that she ought not to have done that; the second implies that she could not help it. To some, the first feels inhumane; to others, the second feels dehumanizing. I hear this variation of the golden rule often: “When you hurt someone else, you hurt yourself.” That particular rendering leaves me feeling a bit off balance, actually. Perhaps I lack empathy or imagination on this point, but the “hurting others means hurting yourself” formulation does not satisfy me. Bluntly put, it sounds selfish, merely, as if the only reason not to hurt another is not to hurt myself. I don’t hear the appeal to our deep connectedness. I don’t hear a call to focus on anyone but myself. Does it follow, in other words, that if I discover a way to hurt you without hurting myself, then all is well with me (if not with you)? I prefer to say it this way: When I hurt myself, I hurt others. If I love you, I wil not hurt myself, not if I can help it. That more clearly reminds me of our connectedness, our common humanity, our shared desires, our mutual needs. It more clearly reminds me that I am not the center of the universe, and not really even the center of my world. I do not have a world. We have a world. And I love you. Keep me reminded of that, please, if you love me, as I believe that will help me help myself. We Do Not Drown For my friend, Ahmed Aq In time, if willing, we learn that emotional pain need not overcome peace of mind and
heart. The pain of loss or injustice, the longing, the disorienting, even the raging at times, need not be more than a storm circling round our still-calm Self. Acceptance of loss or injustice, on the other hand, does not mean a stoical dispassion or indifference. We may achieve such self-fortified, anaesthetized serenity, but in doing so, we die morally. We live; therefore, we suffer. We love; therefore, we hurt. Acceptance embraces the full experience, and thus even our pain and our expressions of pain. In other words, when we remain at peace, pain does not swirl within us as something detached from our inner Self at peace. Rather, we experience pain straight through to the heart of the heart of us; and yet we are at once the turbulent storm and the stable center, the wind and the stillness. Indeed, when we accept the full experience of loss or injustice, we fight or we self- restrain; we push forward or we wait; we cry out or we keep silent. We do whatever love and justice demand of us. From our tranquility, we create the storm. From within our quietude, we move ourselves. Still, and still, we keep our peace. In loving, we act, even fight, and yet remain at peace. We discover the unity of immanence and transcendence. We accept immersion--but we do not drown.
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