"Hadduck's Rules of Order for Committee" - an Excerpt from Dancing on fire

Hadduck's Rules of Order for Committee

         ​Several years ago, reflecting upon my experience in academia as a member of various
committees, sharing table with administrators, faculty, staff, and students, I began to take
notes. I noted the commonalities, or at least typicalities, among committees, no matter their
purpose or membership. Wanting to be as kind as possible, I will suggest that the brilliantly
democratic idea of committee probably originated very far back in human history, under a tree,
with a man, a woman, and a loquacious reptile. Had Shakespeare penned in modern parlance a
note on the dynamics of committee, Mark Anthony might have said,

"Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of passive-aggression."

Before we consider the rules, we should first observe a general principle: The art of committee
lies in the interplay of three things: 1. talking incessantly about change; 2. avoiding decisions
that create change; and 3. blaming someone else for failure.

Nota Bene: Chronically tired people behave like drunk people--they make poor decisions. Thus,
a room full of tired committee members is like a room full of drunk people, but less fun.
Research bears this out. Of course, I depend heavily here upon research, as this pertains
primarily to academic committees. Nonetheless, I have wished that church and club
committees (and boards of all sorts) would likewise embrace such rules as these.

Rules for Committee

1. The one talking the most probably knows the least. Research bears this out.
2. Listen, and you are likely to hear this dynamic: “It's my best judgment against your worst motive.” If that sentiment drives the conversation, conflict resolution is impossible without violence. Violence is not conducive to productivity in committee. Research bears this out.
3. If anyone says, “God has placed it on MY heart to tell YOU that WE must . . . . ," stop listening before the fool can finish his sentence. If you hear that or an equivalent in an academic setting, remain professional and do not curse. If you hear it in church, well, speak out as boldly as the spirit leads you.
4. If someone else on the committee has the same brilliant idea that you have, let that person give it voice. The meek inherit the earth. Everyone else goes to hell. Research bears this out.
5. The colleague who wants to be the leader is the colleague least qualified to lead. Period.
6. Tell the necessary truth; then watch that truth sort people out. The liars will hate you. The sycophants will fawn all over you. The fearful will hope you shut up or suggest to you that "now's not the time to rock the boat." That other off-beat colleague will support you.
   
7. Show committee members more respect than they deserve; in return, they may show you more respect than you deserve.
8. Some bastards deserve no respect. Research bears this out. Be civil anyway, even if it hurts. It will hurt.
9. Speak very little. If everyone follows this rule, far more work will get done in far less time. Ten well-chosen words are worth more than a thousand coming from that one guy--remember Rule #1. Research bears this out.
10. Playing "devil's advocate" is unethical, unless you make the strategy explicit. Even then, make sure you and the devil are not one and the same.
11. Who rolls eyes and grunts is an ass, even when the one speaking is an ass.
12. Do not pinch, poke, or tickle a fellow committee member. Yes, I needed to say that.
13. There is a 51% chance that at least one committee member does not like you and deliberately undermines your ideas. Get over it.
14. Be a good boy and look her in the eye or over her head. Perhaps her low-cut blouse proves her a hypocrite, but let that be her problem. Don't make it yours.
15. Two heads are smarter than one; three heads are smarter than two, etc.; and yet stupidity also grows with numbers. Those facts, taken together, describe the insoluble problem of Committee. Your best hope is to attend committee sober and rested, but hungry and thirsty--with someplace else that you must be, one hour from now.

​Tristi Nota: I served on committee once with a fellow who made this confession: “I get on as
many committees as possible because I do not want anything to happen without my influence.”
Devil, dunce, or zealot? I don’t know, but pitiable.